My Bloody Valentine 3D has no business existing on a 2D plane.  The film's charm comes completely from it's 3D gimmick that elevates this otherwise forgettable horror film into a lovable mess.  It's a complete throwback to the slasher films of yesteryear, that for the most part, seems to be in on the joke of it's campiness and shortcomings.  However, this doesn't make the same maddening slasher elements any less annoying.  The film is bad, but the experience of watching this film at midnight with a packed house was a blast.

I attended a midnight screening of My Bloody Valentine with a buddy of mine and I'd say about 75% of the enjoyment I had came from sitting in the theater with a bunch of horror fans shouting at stupid character's poor decisions and flinching every time a pick axe was swung at the screen.  The theater reeked of beer and weed and everyone was loud and having a blast.  I think it's the closest I'll come to knowing what the grindhouse experience must've been when such a thing actually existed.  It was a community experience unlike any other midnight screening I've attended.

Of any 3D film I've seen in the last few years My Bloody Valentine has the best 3D effects and uses it's third dimension to great effect.  Right from the start, axes are flung at the screen and eyeballs pop into the audience.  The violence and kills in the film were much more brutal than I expected, which made for a great time wondering how far they would push it.  Sadly, the films most clever kills happen within the first 10 minutes and we're left with mostly pick axes to the head which gets old quickly.  It isn't until the final act when we're treated to a jaw being flung straight at your face that I realized how badly I wanted a Final Destination in 3D.  When My Bloody Valentine is good, it's great.  Unfortunately, it's slasher film chliches are a little too tired and keeps this flick from being much more than a gimmicky ride.

The story is as tired as it gets.  A mine collapses under mysterious circumstances and sends one of the miners into a coma.  He awakens weeks later on Valentines Day and goes on a murderous rampage killing dozens of people in the hospital and then returns to the mine to kill a group of partying teenagers.  10 years later on the anniversary of the massacre, bodies begin to pile up again.  Yawn.

I truly believe that the filmmakers knew that they were making a campy B horror film and really embraced the cheesy acting and tired story line.  Sadly, they also chose to embrace stupid characters who act in idiotic ways.  Why would someone choose to run into the woods instead of running for help down a well lit road?  Why does the main heroine scream for 5 minutes before pressing the panic button on the wall?  As a horror fan, we're constantly being asked to accept a ton of ridiculous things.  I'll believe that someone awakens from a coma only to murder people in a gas mask with a pick axe.  But when people begin tripping for no reason or inspecting old houses they have no business being in, I begin to smell bull shit.

As we were leaving, my buddy turned to me and said "That movie was piss."  He's not wrong.  The movie is indeed piss, but we had a great time watching it.  This movie isn't going to revolutionize 3D the way James Cameron's upcoming film Avatar will, but it's not everyday you get to see a midget get killed in three dimensions. (Did I forget to mention there is a midget?)  See this film in theaters while you have the chance because the experience won't be replicated anywhere else.  My Bloody Valentine is the kind of film made for packed rowdy theaters filled with horror fans who want to see people get fucked up.  My Bloody Valentine isn't a great horror film, but it does deliver some goods as long as you're wearing 3D glasses.

3/5

So say we all.