When Robert Pattinson's character, Edward Cullen, made his entrance into the cafeteria for the first time with his brooding laser gaze, girls in the movie theater literally yelped out loud.  The single reason they were sitting in their seats had just walked onto the screen and for them it was worth the price of admission alone.  What about those who aren't melted by Ed's thick brow or aren't at all familiar with the source material?  Is this a chance for the rest of us to understand all the hype behind a vampire romance?  Not for me, it wasn't.

Twilight is a tortured romance story between an outcast named Bella, and a "vegetarian" vampire named Edward.  When Edward first encounters Bella in Biology class, Edward becomes completely enamored by her smell and has to use every bit of his will not to sink his teeth into her pale neck.  How does he deal with his animalistic instincts?  He skips school, he avoids her, he doesn't speak to her.  What is a girl's natural reaction to a boy doing everything he can to ignore her?  Fall in love with him, of course!  Even after finding out the truth about Edward biological desire to suck the blood from her neck she doesn't care and pursues him anyways.  Why does she do this?  Beats the hell out of me.

My biggest problem with Twilight isn't that all the vampires dress impossibly cool and have perfectly quaffed hair but what I really disliked is how seriously it takes every single moment in the film.  It's quite charmless.  I didn't understand why these two characters were so in love.  All the two seemed to do together was go into the woods and be outsider-y.  No moments of joy or happiness.  Just laser eyes back and forth. 

Another problems with Twilight is something that harks back to Joss Whedon, yet again.  (Doesn't it always?)  It's impossible not to think less of Twilight after watching seven seasons of Buffy the Vampire Slayer.  BtVS had brilliant dissections of high school life, tortured romance, and vampire mythology all with a layer of humor and charm that Twilight is sorrily lacking.  Buffy had it's roots in B horror films and turned the genre on it's head to make something so special that ends up being both emotionally touching, unique and quite often hilarious.  Twilight sets out from the beginning to be a tortured romance and, in my opinion, adds very little to the romance genre or vampire films.  Too often, the film relies on the good looks of it's stars and the melting of teenage hearts to make it work.

I see the seeds of a really interesting and great story about being young and in love.  I actually thought a lot of the high school stuff in the film really worked.  Being the new kid trying to fit in and find your place is something I think everyone easily relates to and I started to understand the appeal of Twilight.  It's a fantasy where we're thrust into a new situation and it ends up being a defining time of your life.  Everyone wants some version of a vampire to come into their life and turn everything upside down for the better.

Twilight is an OK film that will definitely woo the fans of the series but will probably leave the rest of us wondering what the fuss is all about.  While I'm definitely not the target audience for the film, it isn't ridiculous to think I could love it.  I sat through both Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants films and actually enjoyed both.  I don't mind a little estrogen fueled fun but even I have to draw the line somewhere and it happen much sooner when you keep thinking, "Whedon did it better."

2/5

So say we all.